everyone has it.but sumtimes it gets the best of u.. wen he told me that i am trying too hard, i didnt get any idea in which area too hard is.. haha.. but still, with the plans changing and all, it made me think.. n i really am thinking.. huhu.. gosh,..i really tot i had it.. v had sumthing, n r really committed to it... not until last thursday, wen he popped out his plans... future-self plans.. hohoo.. it was quite shocking.. i love him too much to just walk away, but at the same time i am afraid to wait and c wat it'll turns out to be.. damn me,..damn u.. damn us!!
~i resent my life and his~
i am so depressed, i had been a medical student long enuff to suddenly feel this.. my emotions are suppressed with my feelings of betrayal, hatred, envy and ignorance. if only i could get sum time out of this and continue my life wer i left it.. that wud be after my SPM.. have fun, hanging out with frens, do all the crazy stuff and carry my own problems without burdening anyone. Being with someone just makes you crazy, cranky, bitchy and wat not annoying,.. it seems that doing everything just doesnt pays off.. wat else shud u do to get attention? d'oh, go out with sum random guys while u r still on ur bf's bed? well, let me tell u,.. that doesnt really work.. n in my case, i dont think it will.. thinking bout it, i think i hav the rite to be pampered.. being in his place for awhile, feeling tired, just waiting for him to come home, cant he just spare some time for me? it makes me think if i am trying too hard in my relationship. maybe i should just let it go,.. go with the flow,. i mean, there's nothing to lose... if he's not around anymore, i could just get back with my ex or be with sumone else.. and i bet he doesnt care.. he just thinks that i'm a cranky bitch.. well, i dont give a damn if u r leaving me.. really, i dont!
why is it so hard to be in love and to feel that u r being loved. its not supposed to be this hard. how can an enjoyable and heavenly feeling become so cold and full of hatred.. i just feel like crying. i know it doesnt solve anything but it makes forget about it for awhile if not at all. i just wan a happy love life, being happy as long as i am with him, regardless our distance.
OR maybe he has someone else? someone who makes him really happy,.. being miles away just makes their love stronger? and when i'm around, he just wanna cuddle and be with someone, it doesnt really matter if it's me.
all this free time just makes me think, and thinking makes me assume things, and my assumptions r always bad ones..
if only i know wat is going on, if only he shares stuff with me just like he shares 'em with his frens, sumtimes i feel like a worthless, useless biatch who just knows how to nag and piss him off.. maybe i AM a bad gf and i'm just giving him bad vibes.. and maybe i should just let him b..
maybe i just dont deserve him.. Dont I?
have u ever thought if ur bf is cheating on u?hahaha.. perhaps everyone is cheating, it's just how n where differs it. if u are on a diet but u ate junk foods, u r definitely cheating your diet plan, if u are training for a marathon but u skip one training day, u r definitely cheating on ur effort. if u work hard to be a medical student but u hung over and let the days passed meaninglessly, u r cheating on ur future!!.. so in every aspect in life, ppl tend to cheat not only on others but also on themselves... ironic isn't it?haha...
back to the main issue... bout cheating bfs.. urm,..how do u know he's not cheating? i presume, the main keys to success and everlasting long distance relationship are:
--->trust each other
--->avoid fussing about small things
--->understanding both side's priority (career, routine, hobbies, etc)
--->forgive small mistakes
--->learn to give and take
--->be more considerate
--->get to know more bout your spouse
--->don't always depend on instinct (it could be wrong esp wen influence by ur mood)
--->try to join in activities
--->get rid of ur ego
--->grow up!be more matured!n independent dude!!!!
this is based on my life, my love, my time and sharing of the dreadful and at times joyful long distance relationship..... :)
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