little in life has changed... but there are so much i've gained, this year has been a splendid one. along w joyful exciting holidays celebrated throughout the year, loves received from everyone i adore, too much fun to say good bye.. but i am sure that next year will give me more, no more heartbreaks to think of, hopefully, surviving this path, to get to a greater purpose in life,...
HAPPY NEW YEAR
letting go is d hardest part.. in my life, i tot thts it.. i will b with the same person till forever.. i didnt realize tht i am going to mess up my own future.. my happiness.. wic i tot was with him.. i am trying very hard to let go.. y cant i just sleep n wake up without a tiny memory of him..
i dun mind getting amnesia for all its worth.. i cant take being apart.. having to c him only in my dreams, wat can i say.. i did this to myself..
i turned away from the one i loved,.. hardly i tried to get him back.. i pushed him so far,.. till v both lost our way.. wish there is a simple way for me to get back on track.. losing myself wen i really need me to be myself.. to go tru all this heartache and hardlife.. just being me..
if u just know how much i suffer,.. i m not asking u back.. just for forgiveness,.. cos i realized wat i did was so bad.. tht a normal being wont even talk to me again.. but u wer kind enuff to even say hi.. im babbling about my life.. n wat i did.. d consequences.. my regrets..
wen nothing is gonna change..
dudududu~~
flunking radiology was one of the reason my head almost burst up..
being in sardjito and 'being hooked up' with sum annoying FELLAS makes my blood rushes to me brain..
having to wake up early in d morning, waiting for sen to gimme a ride to the hospital makes my feet glued to the floor..
having to sit and wait endlessly in front of the smf for the docs to come for an appointment makes me feel like flying back home NOW..
listening to troubles and sounds of annoying voices around me makes me regret being in YOGYA..
having people addressing me as a nurse wonders Y AM I studying MEDICINE???
damn... ppl
but being with my frens makes me forget all me misery and enjoy my life in yogya as a student while it lasts..
pls make my misery go away,..
i was singing to ne-yo's beat when it occurs to me how my life will b without him,.. the one who i'd come home on d weekends for.. it has been sometime since i fell in love,.. v hooked up after i broke up with my ex.. he was always there for me.. listening, with patience,.. d shoulder i cried on for all this time.. i cant believe tht it is over..
i wouldnt say its his fault neither would i say its mine.. maybe the love just fades,.. maybe v just got tired of each other. i am too pushy.am i? how annoying am i? does it really takes people a whole year to know the other person.. well enuff to leave them? wat's wrong with us? i just dont think that he knows me at all.. after all this years together,..
there was fun.. most of them i'd say wen v r staying together.. if u know what i mean.. but there r also grieves, regrets, motionless pain..
v had our issues, v got tru them.. n v became stronger.. i guess wen u r just not meant to be,. u shud leave tht person and dont live in d past.. yeah.. i got it.. but its hard for me to do it.. i cant just let it go.. still, i want to.. every now and then i kept thinking how stupid i am.. i was the one who made this decision but yet i cant live with it.. i am so weak.. i need someone to be with me..
to think of it,..maybe cos im here too long.. too many stressful events, too many people who im stuck with,.. too many work and responsibilities, which i cant run from.. but take my words.. if i could RUN away,..i would.. without hesitations.. i wont hav to think twice..
i just want my life back..
this is the first raya for all of us here.. in indonesia, away from our loved ones.. well, except for nadya,.. cos aunty, uncle n adik is here.. thankfully,.. aunty cook foods which can be called food for us!! heheh.. if v la, dunno whether cook or not.. maybe sleep the whole day till start to work again:P
well, aunty cook since last nite,.. then v buka puasa together,.. this morning, i woke up at 845am.. tu pun cos i received a txt from nesa asking if im awake or not,. then i txt her asking if she's ready dy.. alamak,.. member bukan saja ready but dah potong buah dy..huhuhu.. my bf called byk kali i xangkat pun..waaa.. sian dia.. yesterday b4 sleeping i dah bising2 asked him to call me after smayng raya..
so i woke up and get ready,..then i heard taxi coming.. ooopss.. nad came home dy:P.. iskk..i havent come out from the toilet lg oo..
i rushed down.. xnak la nmpk sgt br bgn,..rite..hehe.. offered a helping hand,.. then i heard fai n ashraf's motor.. i went to talk n take pics.. lepak2.. uhuuu.. then wen food was ready,..v ate together.. then only anuar came,.. hehhehe..
v talked, talked, gossips n so n so,..till v dun feel like opening our mouth dy:P
afterwards, v wen to qayyum's hut,.hohooo.. member masak rendang manis,.. yeayyy.. makan lagi..sib baik aku dah berak td:P..oppss
..erk erk.. then balik2, i trus main lappy,.. hehehhe
--owh..td call daddy,..nangis2 n sedey2.. my dad balik tangkak w ma families.. lepak2..besh..besh..
p/s:...selamat hari raya and maaf zahir batin...
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